To say I was nervous is a grave under statement. I was a shaking, hyperventilating, close to crying, unable to put her make up on, singing in Romanian (it's my default de-stresser) mess. At one stage I was trying to put on liquid eyeliner and got more on my cheeks, hair and ears than anywhere near my eyes, though if I had gotten it near my eyes it probably would have gone straight into my cornea.
I don't know exactly what I thought was going to go wrong- maybe I'd blank, my tassels would come flying off or worse I'd spin my boobs too much and be propelled into orbit, God knows what was going through my head, bottom line, I was panicked.
I decided shopping was the only thing to get my mind off the situation at hand so that's exactly what I did, I needed to buy hair dye anyway (everyone who thought I was naturally Scandinavian have all died of strokes right now). The buying of the hair dye went well but things got a little messy when I decided I needed stockings. I say decided, I DID need stockings, I'd lost one of my purple ones while I was practicing at home. I must have flung it behind me into a vortex or maybe Doctor Who stole it, all I know is it's lost. I was on a budget as usually and Dunnes does not have much of a stocking selection (sorry Dunnes, I love everything else you do but your stockings are shit) so I was stuck between pretty and expensive or plain and cheap. This is where it all went wrong. The panic of trying to decide between stockings ( I should let you all know here that making me choose between things is never a good idea, I'm terrible at it) reminded me I went shopping because of my show nerves and I ended up running around Dunnes like a mad woman waving stockings. After all that I bought the cheap ones and one of them even made it on stage. Due to Dunnes giving me a nervous breakdown I went off in search of some hard drinking substances, that's right, Mountain Dew. So I went to the Asia Market picked up some rocket fuel and wandered whilst throwing my body out of whack by drinking my death juice. I stumbled upon a charity shop and decided to have a nose. On entering the shop I noticed a fascinator. I'd been wanting one for ages but usually don't have the dosh and even though I didn't really have the dosh then either it was only a tenner so I snapped it up. On the way out the door I noticed a Sega game for 50cent so I got that too. For anyone who was born mid 90s and doesn't know the meaning of the word Sega, it's a magic box us elders used to use to make pictures you could play with appear on the telly.
Half of this adventure I enjoyed the other half I severely regretted, mostly due to the Mountain Dew. Apparently when you drink your weight in energy drinks it makes your nerves worst, who knew, not dizzy shite over here anyway.
So after a 20minute walk in the rain singing "If You're Happy & You Know It" in Romanian I made it to the Sugar Club and even though my stomach felt like jumping out of my mouth I did not in fact throw up, so that was good.
Backstage was a flurry of sparkles, tassels and trilby hats. Half the make up I'd applied at home had come off at this stage and I'd forgotten my powder and my foundation. As well as this my hair was a big lump of nothing happening and I hadn't the foggiest notion what I was doing with a pair of false eyelashes because I hadn't a clue how to put them on (I know them being eyelashes and me having eyelashes on my face should have been a clue but it really wasn't). So I did what any professional does in a crisis, ran to Lolita in a panic holding my eyelashes looking like a Bassett Hound who's ear had been trod on imploring her to help me. She did that and then some (the then some mostly consisting of alcohol).
Having been performing for more years then I'd like to count I know from experience that the final countdown is always the worst. Standing at the side of the stage, waiting for the cue, heart in your throat, I don't think you ever get used to it and if you do then I definitely don't. All I really remember is Karl correcting the announcer and then I was on, lights in the face, can't stop now or I'll forget all my moves, action. I'll be honest most of it was improv. I'd never rehearsed it with Carl before (I didn't spell his name wrong there's a Karl & a Carl in this story in case you don't know them) and I'd never practised using half my props before. It was okay I have to take the gloves off, jacket off, shoes off, FREE STYLE! I managed to get everything done in time with the music and before I knew it, it was over, I was running through the Sugar Club in my knickers and a shawl (as ye do) and backstage to do the photos. So yes all the panic was for nothing.
My jumping on stage didn't end there. While out in the smoking area having a chat with Bailey one of the photographers came up to me and gestured towards the door. Now the smoking area was loud and I have bad hearing in one ear so I thought ( from his sign language) that he wanted me to stand at the door for a picture. Dizzy strikes again. On round two of him explaining I realised he was telling me I was wanted on stage. Mega facepalm but I had no time to get embarrassed. I legged it down, well kinda more stumbled in my plastic shoes that were too big for me but I made it. Now I've never been good at receiving compliments or gifts so when I was being given both on stage by Karl & Lolita in front of the whole audience (well the non-smokers) boy was my face red.
I could go on and on, so I will but not about the show. After we were all called on stage and were able to get in our more comfortable clothes I was hungry, so I went were any classy lady goes, Burger King. I only had a tenner to feed two so when I saw they were doing Whopper Meals for 4.99 each I was like savage!
I'm so glad I'm not a vegetarian anymore. I love cows and all but they're so much more tasty than they are interesting.
And so I think that's about it for my ramblings, at least for this post.
Mwah x
Bubblegum <3
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